If i come over, it means nothing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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