Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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