the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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