You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
