When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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