How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
