There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
