When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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