It's Friday. Sex?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
