Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
