he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize