We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
