And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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