i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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