just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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