Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
