"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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