I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
