my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
