Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
