His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
