Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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