i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
