when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
