I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
