My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
