He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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