I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm really into asian looking animals
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
