fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
