So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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