can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
