He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
