one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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