I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm like, not good at living.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
