dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
