Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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