I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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