come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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