im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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