3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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