everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
