she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
do herpes really smell.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
