I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
