you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
