Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
