did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize