there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
