why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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