i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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