who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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