I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
