i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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