we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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