so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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