After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
