This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
