I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
