SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
should my penis look like a turkey
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
