I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
