my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
