I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
