i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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