Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
try to milk me bitch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
