i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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