maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
