if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
