Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am available for nakedness
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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