How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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